First of all....I am really slow to notice some things so this kind of TOTALLY SLIPPED BY MY ATTENTION.
THANK YOU FOR THE PREMIUM MEMBERSHIP, KIND STRANGER! 
Whatever I may have deserved this with, I hope it will remain on this page and make your days brighter.
Thank you very much and if you are reading this, sorry for my slow reactions. It was already strange to me why I still have a premium account O__o; and since gmail has those new thingies and labels and stashes on social networks...I didn't even see the notification among all the other SN crap.
Update on my life:The date when I am supposed to have my movie finished had been announced oficially - it's January or February....which SUCKS....bad. Since I somehow thought that it's okay to have it finished in June
June has always been the month to finish our animation works, even the graduation movies. I really believed that this is the case...Well....apparently not so much. My plans totally broke down and got chewed up and spit into my face.
Now I have to finish a 10 minute animated film in less than 6 months.... It's fully animated in hand, colored digitally and with handpainted backgrounds. Even though a few friends promised to help me with the coloring, it'll still be a very close call...
I tried to make a new plan...If I were to make 2 fully colored scenes per day, I'd be able to finish the movie in 80 days approx. But knowing my self, I won't be able to stick to this, no matter what....there will be days when I won't be able to do this....
I really wonder why I am still not in panic. It's more like I switched a kind of switch in my head that shut down reactions. I feel kind of empty now.... but racional thoughts keep attacking me - I need to move.
So.... I decided it would be for the best to be temporary inactive on Devart
OR at least.... I probably won't be able to properly response to comments. If I were to upload something, I'll be sure to disable comments (even though I hate this). I don't want you guys to wait for my stupid reply for eternity...even now there are so many messages I didn't respond to and it makes me sad. I know how it feels when you write something nice and you don't get a response.
I really may not be able to respond to your requests or messages.... And the pending requests are put to a hold, too.
I think this is another milestone in my life, I feel the pressure coming from all sides - my parents, teachers, friends.... I feel like I'm too lousy and weak to stand up to their demands and hopes with anything I do -IF THERE AREN'T ANY DEMANDS OR WISHES AT ALL...BECAUSE...YEAH, I'M STUPID AND I ALWAYS IMAGINE THAT THERE'S TONS OF THINGS I NEED TO DO, REPUTATION I NEED TO PROTECT OR THINGS THAT I NEED TO REACH BEFORE I CAN BECOME A PROPER PERSON,FRIEND, COLLEAGUE.....
This is ruining my life ever since I remember- the feeling that I need to become someone very special first so I can be special to others. That I need to climb the Everest, get a 1000 pages book printed, earn 7 degrees in studies and always smile...so that I can be a worthy companion.
Yes. I am THIS stupid.
Do you feel this way too?
There are things I could've done better....it's not like I'm not able to do them, it's more about this weird block that I keep pushing in front of me for half of my life and it keeps getting heavier. I know I have the power to chop it to bits but I lack motivation.
Stupid stinky motivation.
And because this isn't live journal I stop spouting these depressing things.... I just wanted to let you guys know.... I try my best, but it's not good....but I keep going and I hope you'll be here when I return - that there still is something to be given to you guys with my art or stories. Actually....this devart account has been made as some kind of asylum from my previous one - I felt that the old account represents the past and that I want to move to the future. I keep it mostly for fanarts and Naruto-related stuff.
And lastly to people who are waiting for Blue Flame or my original work:There's a thing I understood by now - I won't be able to finish Blue Flame the way I tried.... I mentioned it once that I already have over 600 pages of sketched material to offer, but the story kept changing and I had to redo it so many times....Then I opened up Craig Thompson's Blankets (one of my top favourite things in my entire life)....and realized that this masterpiece has 1000 pages or so..... BUT THAT IS FRIGGIN CRAIG THOMPSON, NOT ME. Blue Flame was an idea from my teen-years, there's no way I'd get a cheesy teen book with over 900 pages published anywhere.... and the more I read the story the more I realized that it could be taken as your average whiny teen dramance. One thing is sure - it wasn't very special story-wise, there have been lots of cliches and tropes .... but the characters are THE thing that made it all interesting and maybe a bit new. I love these characters and no way I am giving them up just like that.
So the next step would either be "ditching the story" or "a total remake that would fit into a nice oneshot".
I pick the second option.
But again, who knows when that will be - not this year or the next, that's clear.
I'm not putting any pressure onto me by saying this.... I just really only wanted to tell the people who were interested into the story.
Publishing a comic is my lifelong dream, if I want to make something out of my life then this is probably one of the things that need to be done for sure. I'll be sure to keep you guys up to date on this little struggle. It's funny how people much younger than me already have wonderful books published. Vera Brosgol's Anya had struck me deeply - a story of 230 pages that works like the best clock. It's a mastery to breathe life to characters in one slim book, in color. This has always been a problem to me - I felt that I had to do smething really grandiose and HUGE to stand a chance among all the good stuff. Now I see that I just need to be GOOD and NEW in some way...to catch attention and inspire. A good short story that leaves something in the readers.
So........
I'll be sure to upload some things here and there, some good things
Maybe I can upload some schoolwork for you to see.
WISHING YOU THE BEST, LOTS OF INSPIRATION AND GOOD MOOD FOR AUTUMN. Fav season hands down
TAKE CARE!!
